they call me..kecikmiaw

when is enough ever enough

2007-01-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

its already a new year. so much has changed yet so many things remains the same.
last year, there were more deaths, more break-ups, more fights, more lies, more recoveries.

so much has happened, so fast, it has become a numbing effect. after him. i would say ignorance is the key.
they call me a player. i refuse to think so. but if i was, then the question which lingers is: WHEN DOES THE PLAYER GETS PLAYED?

answer: when they fall.

truth is, i'm still recovering. from trusting- or believing, whatever you call it.
in that moment. i wanted to believe him - i still do- just in a different way.

so now, how do you tell the difference from wether you trust a person or when you just downright don't give a shit if anything happens?
you got me lost there.

this year's resolution: fuck all. shit is bound to happen

so when is enough ever enough? the answer ? its never enough

Don't look back in anger

2006-12-05T01:17:00.000-08:00

RON'S Comming hommeee~!!! WooopEeedOo0... and then after tht we can see JON!!!! Double WooopEeedOoo!!! I seriously can't wait. I havent seen those two in ages ages... =)

*sigh* I havent really seen a lot of people since i got back. I still don't feel like going out much. I really couldn't be fucked sometimes. This is the most i've stayed at home, the most i've slept and the least i've smoked. Things changed. People are just slightly different. Ad says that everytime i get home, things will change more till i won't be able to recognize it or be familiar with nething'. *sigh* I dont really like change. So maybe in 2 years time, i'll stop coming home. Maybe by then, I'll call Melbourne ''home''. *Hee. Not as bad as it sounds.

But its hard to just throw away everything i knew here. But maybe by then, they wouldn't care as much. Then maybe i shouldn't bother either.

Arggh* I shud have stayed in Melb longer. Then i wouldnt be so boredd... if I was there right now, i would be in Ad's house.. watching dvd's, lazying around, go out, buy a bit of beer, drink, smoke, ahhh- so0oo nice. Plus, I love his company - so I wouldnt be as bored. If i am, he'd bring me out around the city, go CROWN- gamble bit.

Usually- I would consider that SHIT. Compared to what i use to do last time. But fuck last time and how it used to be. Its different now.

My Christmas list in advance

2006-12-01T10:19:00.000-08:00

Everytime i think of something i want for christmas, i shall list it here.

1. My recoil pull shot back =(
2. A date with ad
3. A camera
4. Someone to rearrange all my DVD's (it's such a big big mess).
5. To swim in Baileys.
6. My room filled with Stars (non glow in the dark and not the small paper folded ones).
7. A big box of surprises served with a big fat red ribbon
8. A pet seahorse
9. or better yet, A pet hippo
10. My car modified to speed
11. Learn to swallow fire

How sharp are you?

2006-11-06T01:08:00.000-08:00

Answer the following questions

1. Being very tired, a child went to bed at 7:00 o'clock at night. The child had a morning piano lesson, and therefore wound and set the alarm clock to right at 8:45. How may hours and minutes of sleep could the child get?

2. Some months (like October) have 31 days. Only February has precisely 28 days(except in a leap year). How many months have 30 days?

3. A farmer had 18 pigs, and all died but 7. How many were left?

4. Divide 50 by 1/3 and add 7. What is the answer?

5. If a physician gave you 10 pills and told you to take 1 every half hour, how long would your supply last?

6. If you had only one match, and entered a cold dimly-lit room where there was a kerosene lamp, and an oil heater, and a wood burning stove, which would you light first?

7. Two women play checkers. They play five games without a draw game and each woman wins the same number of games. How can this be?

8. What word is mispelled in this test?

;) let me know your answers

hey guys. sorry for the super late replies. Hehe

Answers:

1. 1hr 45 mins
2. 11
3. 7 ( OMG if you don't get this right you kiong gan man)
4. 157
5. 2 hrs
6. The match laa.. how else u gon fuckin light anything else?
7. They don't play with each other
8. misspelled

hahah, i din't get most of it right anyways so dont feel bad....

btw this was handed out in class

Aren't you tired?

2006-10-31T22:08:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt that you're so tired of it?
Tired that you dont understand.
Why.
You're never good enough.
It doesn't matter what you've accomplised.
It only matters when you've failed.
Its like --you're not entitled to your type of feelings.
Your type of thoughts.
You were never understood
So you kept to yourself.
Denied thier rights to know you.
Always questioned.
No conversations without intentions.
You were only trouble.
And you will only continue to be trouble.
Thinking - if i change.
But I have.
You just don't see.
So Maybe.
You stopped caring, i think.
But I wont get mad.
Somehow. The pain's gone away.
No. I'm just tired.

Big Sighs, Big Bear Hugs

2006-10-31T21:26:00.000-08:00

Fuck this shit man.
I hadn't slept for 24 fucking hours.
Hadn't eaten since 25 hours ago.
I'm so broke beyond broke. - meaning i got no cash on hand- and you cant fucking possibly withdraw $4 from ure savings can you?

I'll live on my ciggarettes -for now

Worse of all - Its exams period + Day light Savings = Less Sleep x 2
Wait in my case its x4 cos i need 4 times the amount of sleep than an average person.
Yes. I proclaim that I am a certified SLOTH.

Again. Fuck This Shit.

Where's My Bear Hug when i need one...

The f-languange

2006-10-26T02:29:00.000-07:00

During break, i met up with Carmei and Dan. I walked into Shangahai Dumpling, which seems like our latest restaurant, which i was then introduced to this aussie dude, Sam.

We headed to Pucinni's after to kill time before my next class. While playing cards, we were all talking about the latest latest, Carmei pondering on the 'Should I, Should I not' and of course not missing out on the can't-wait-to-get-back-to-kl. Somewhere in between, out of the randomness, Carmei being Carmei started talking in the f-Languang.

Fuck man. I hadn't used that since primary school.

I then thought its cute how when we were kids we would use all these so called 'secret' languange around out parents so that they wouldn't understand what we were saying. But looking back, i think that they do. I think that what we picked up from god knows where, were actually created in their generation. Only back then, it wasn't as popular as it was during out primary days.

So apparently, only malaysians know what the fuck this f'-Language is. I couldn't possible expose it to the rest of the world so i wont explain. I guess there is a use for it after all.

I've been copied

2006-10-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

Now i know how pirated DvD's feel... scratch that... now i know how the Originals felt.

Arghhh

http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=33947014

I'm Kelly not a Melanie
I'm a Pisces, not a Sagittarius
And i'm fucking 19 not18 you idiot!
Oh and i wouldn't be caught dead saying somehin like that fucker...
Shit... get a life.

*Sigh*

empty

2006-10-19T09:34:00.000-07:00

i cant sleep.

Again.

i never used to be like that.

now i just stay up all night.

thinking. wondering.

a little more time, i say.

then i'll find it back again

but at the back of my head, i wander... how long more must i wait?

hasn't it been enough?

I wish, just for 1 min, i could remember.

maybe then, it will all go back to normal.

Just for one minute.

Halo

2006-10-17T08:02:00.000-07:00

I never promised u a ray of light
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday
I'll give you everything I have
The good, the bad
Why do you put me in a pedistal
I'm so high up i cant see the ground below
So help me down, you've got it wrong,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldnt say so if you were me
And I, I just want to love you
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always say that I would make mistakes
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So pull me from that pedistal
I dont belong there

- one tree hill

Stop thinking

2006-10-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Past love. Present Love. Future Love.

We all know that anything can happen to anybody.
In my opinion no one is ever 'meant' to be with another person.
There's No Fate. No predestined. No Eventual. No Inevitable.
Only two people meeting out of chance.
Prove me wrong if you think otherwise.

I always say fuck the past. fuck the future. who cares,really? if you do. stop.
just enjoy what you have now... why worry so much? or look for the perfect one?
what if you had met your perfect one, but you let him get away because you thought too much?
then what? you ponder on your mistakes? on your past...again?
you manage to turn your whole present into your current past which you, eventually regretted.
look around you. you're doing fine.

always wondering. always thinking what could have been, should have been, would have been.
that's what kills it.
stop hoping already and start realising how good you've got it.
just a thought.

Fear that pulls you back. Which is yours?

2006-10-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

they always say they are afraid.
sometimes they let fear control them.
but is that always a bad thing? maybe not.

straight to the point.

being scared of something is easy to overcome.
but, what if you're afraid of yourself ?
what then?
usually when you fear something you face it straight on.
just to know that you control it, not that it controls you.

but when you're afraid of yourself, because you know this is who you are, something you tried chaging but failed countless times. what do you do?

how can this hold you back when nothing else has?

10 random facts since i came to aussie

2006-09-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

1. I'm broke. *sigh*

2. I got lost to uni, although its just down the road. Later on, i found out that i was walking to the opposite direction from where i was suppose to go.

3. Once, I clubbed from 1am till 10am

4. I learned how to shuffle.

5. The first time i ironed my clothes, i took half an hour ironing 1 shirt and 1 pants. After 30 mins i found out 2 things,
a) my clothes aren't ironed.
b) The iron wasn't even switched on.

6. I'm finally and officially single.

7. I'm actually starting to like the cold.

8. I build my own study table from scratch with no help. Okay maybe a lil help. Alright alright.. prob with a lot of help.

9. There are actually people shorter than me here. *hee

10. The structure of the bone of my neck is reversed. That's what the doc said.

Best Friends

2006-09-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm always that girl you see with tons of guy friends and almost no girlfriends.
That's caz i've always found it hard to click with girls. I hardly have anything else to say to the besides the routined 'hey! how are you, what you been up to lately, okay see ya..!!'
Uh~huh...its always like that.

But, lucky me. I found me some girls who i can actually talk to. Girls who can think beyond guys, fashion, shopping or whatever it is. Girls who actually breathe the same languange as i do.
Yvonne. Audrey. Samantha. My chiqas. They are all beautiful people, mind you. And I think the only thing they have in common besides not really knowing one another, is that fact that they are fucking sociable. If by any chance, one day, i put all three of them in the same room. Snap! They'll go on talking and talking and talking and talking. That's what they're all good at. We never run out of things to talk about. That's why i love them.

First off. Let me introduce you to Yvonne. My other half of the brain. Actually she has more of it then i do. Hee. Known her for about 7 years. She knows me best, inside-out. Seen me gone from hell and back again.

Okay then there's Audrey who I met in College. Aud really really takes care of me. She makes sure i eat my meds and she'll do stuff like help me revise for my exams (cos i almost never do- by myself) and she even packed my bags before i left for aussie. I love talking to her and most of the time when the both of us are out, we'd be eating all the fucking time. Aud's always been there for me. She knows when i'm having a fucked up day and she'll always try to cheer me up by doing lil things like buying me those rocky choc biscuit sticks thingamagic. Oh and she knows my room better than I do.

Last but not least, Samantha. My love. I have heaps of fun with her. We'd just do the craziest and most random things. That's how she is and that's how i am with her. We're a lot a like. Fucked in the head. We need someone to kick us real hard so that we'll stop doing the wrong things. So sam's like my support group. My tiang. My reminder that everything's gon be alright at the end of the day.

And that's the 3 of them. All unique. All different in their styles and character. But i love them to nutz anyways.

and yeah that's me...kecikmiaw

see you all soon.

2006-08-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

This is not a good month. Not for me. Its my friends. I'm not even here for half a year and there's already so much problems back home. Now i understand the term 'KL- the central of dramas and scandals'. Its like watching an episode of The O.C.

I'm worried for them...sometimes i feel like just packing my bags, jumping on a plane, leaving this place, and go back to where they are just so i can be with them in moments like these. Imagine getting a series of phone calls and all of it is bad news. Yeah, not so fucking good. Of course i'm worried shitless for them.

**
I know things which you don't. But i can't say what. I can't say who. I want so much to protect you. I feel that you don't deserve this. That you have a right to know. But i gave my word. I promised. So i hope you find out, and when you do, forgive me for not telling you. But she's my friend too. I'm sorry.

See why my head is spinning?

Oh yeah, and if i find out those bitches names who are spreading rumours about my girl, when i come back, you guys are fucking goners.
Thanks samantha darl for all the updates.
*Kisses*

Bits and pieces.

2006-08-20T04:05:00.000-07:00

Sick of clubbing. Another week of clubbing and i think i'll drive myself up the wall. Since i got here, its been clubbing every weekend, if its not clubbing it'll be drinking.

Thanks but no thanks.

So somewhere this week or last week (sorry i swear i have a goldfish memory) i was chillin with leonard, kay and kendry. Shit we did loads of stupid stuff. Like what you ask? Hmm- we went to eat riduculously spicy spicy hot pot till all our nose got runny. No, we didn't have the flu before that. Then we were dancing in leonard's room while he was spinning, and on the streets, to the music from the ringtone of kay's phone. Hey! Dont judge. We were waiting shitlong for the tram. Everyone was just staring at us like we're a bunch of nutcase. We're not. We're youngies.

Oh and the next day after dinner, we were at the CROWN right, and over there there's this thing on the floor which shoots out water and we thought, hey thats so cute...lets grab a picture.. Of course at the end of it, we all got wet. Kay got it the worse. But i was the one who fell sick the following day. It was prob the most fun i had without booze. I'll post the pics up soon i hope. The internet here are fucked up.

Oh yes. So this weekend i finally said nope- i'm not going clubbing and i'm not gon drink. So i stayed home with venneline. We were planing on watching Breakfast at Tiffiny's but the min we switched the tv on- there it was. POKER. It was a really good play. Then steve called =)

So he picked us up and the 3 of us went to princess to play pool. Fuck i suck at it now. And he can really play. So after that night. I discovered I suck at pool. I can't play the arcade street fighter. I can't drive a virtue car. And i can't dance on that funky machine. Hmm.. I'm not that talented am i? Hee..anyways... About 5 we left the place, dropped ven back at my place and the both of us went to chill in his car, watching Dead Zone. Yes, if you dont have it. I suggest you get it. Fuck the fact that you dont know what's it about. Just know its awesome. Yes and steve promised he'll wait for me then we'll watch the next episode. By the time we left the park, it was already bright outside. Reached home at about 7. Went to bed straight.

I would tell you what happened the rest of the week but honestly, i can't quite remember.

All i can remember is that
a) a couple of friends came over to cook dinner
b) i went out with steve after dinner that day and he gave me an mp3 player so i could use it when i'm heading to uni.. so sweet. Thanks =)
c) yeah okay that's bout it.. i swear, more things happened. I just can't remember. I should prob blog right after next time.

Anyways i hope all you guys are alright back at home. I miss you all so much. =) Muaks.

The forgotten ABC's of relationships

2006-08-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wander sometimes why people have so much complications in their relationship? Hmm.. Is it because they make it complicated because they want it to be complicated? Or is it because sometimes it really is? Okay, so i might be talking gibberish here but this is what i feel. Relationships aren't complicated. People are. See i think that in a relationship, all you need is 2 basic rules to make it work,

1. Do not cheat on your partner. But if you absolutly have to, be smart about it. Don't let them know. But before you do, think: Is it really worth it?

2. Do not suffocate your fucking partner by dominating his or her life. Don't you think that people who does that are absolut skunks? Its pathethic.

Honestly, I don't get those girls who need to spend 24 fucking hours with their boyfriends. Com' on... don't you've got friends? If you don't, get some.

I don't see the point on talking on the phone everyday either. I bet you don't see their parents fucking them up cos they don't call them everyday. I feel that as long as your partner has the fucking initiative to at least text you a goodnight message to show you that they're thinking about you then its fine. But if they don't bother calling or texing you after like 3 or 4 days..dump them.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that its important to understand that your boyfriend/girlfriend lives doesn't revolves around you. Its fine that you wanna spend as much time together but if they're busy or if they wanna hang out with their friends instead of you, then let them. Don't make it feel like you're an obligation in their lives cos if you do, eventually, they'll stop loving you.

And look, if they cheat on you, and you find out, then don't give them a second chance to hurt you again. Its understandable that in most cases you'll accept them back and even if they do it to you again, you'll still want them. But you'll learn from it. And slowly the pain goes numb and you stop loving that person. And the only reason why you're probably still with em its cos you're use to it. But after a while, you'll learn how to let go.

Its not as easy and trust me i know when i say it takes a while to learn this. But once you do, you should be proud cos everyone has to go through this at least once in their lives: Learning how to let go. And in the next relationship, it might not be so hard anymore, if the same thing happens and this time around, you'll know what to do.

Relationships shouldn't be about the whole 'you-are-mine-and-no-one-else-can-have-you'. You're partner is not yours. He/She does not belong to you. They are also for their friends and their parents. Have fun with each other, but know where they stand. Relationships aren't that complicated. People are. That's the art in it. That's the excitement.

perfect ending

2006-07-29T02:55:00.000-07:00

I had better days. And yesterday wasn't one of em. It was fucked up. Anyways i was suppose to just chill at dan's place, forget bout all the shits that has happened the past few days and well i guess i did for the moment. Fell asleep, woke up at 7, and walked home. When i reach to the front of my apartment door, it fucking wouldn't open. Some fucker played with the fucking door so it got jammed! I was stuck outside for quite a while and it wasn't exactly warm. I was tired and not exactly awake so...Hmm...just when i though things couldn't get worser...it did..perfect.

i guess im starting

2006-07-28T01:14:00.000-07:00

Gee.. how do excessive bloggers start? Introduction? Yea guess i could do that...then again most people who would read this are prob my friends who already know about me..but fuck that..

I'm kelly also known as kecikmiaw (also known as small cat) or calipo. Long story.. oh i use the word fuck a lot and some of my friends say i'm not a girl, that infact, i'm actually a guy. Not because i don't fancy shopping or whatever but because i'm emotionally cold, and don't really give a shit about lots of stuff like all the low downs on guy problems...yeah i'm chillin. I love sleeping, love eating but i'm picky. But my ultimate passion? Foosball.. that's right.. the obsession of the game is a lil freaky sometimes but hey its fucking fun.. Oh i can't stand being at home unless its too sleep. I gotta be up on my feet doing something..anything instead of just sitting around, blogging and msn-ing..does that makes sense? But now that i'm in melbourne...Fuck its boring here... they say it'll be loads of fun. I thought it was..Come on' imagine a big ass city with no parents, loads to do and a hunk of guys but you know what? Nothing beats home. I miss my friends. Jon, Ron, Ck, Andrew, Audrey, Justin, Yvonne, Azan, Shaf, Rom, Khai, Euvern, Samantha and a whole bunch of them.. yes i do treasure my friends like they are the last 5 bucks in your fucking wallet for the month..see you can't do much with 5. You'd prob decide hmm...food or ciggarettes? I'd go for the dunhills. Obviously. So yea, if they were all here...massive!

Those who know me better know that i drink and smoke excessively.. Then again, i hang out with a bunch of motherfuckers who drinks beer every single day at erm *bangsar (ahem!) and another bunch of motherfuckers who drinks whisky every weekends in the parks..but that was before i got here.. now all i do is bum around with the dudes, foos, drink, poker, club (only cos i like to dance) and well i think that's about it. Its a pretty sad sad scenario but i think..it's gon get more exciting.. Hehe.. I'll update soon.